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Chapter 1: The coin Flip – What a cancer diagnosis taught me about life exploding into a bazillion pieces
I flipped a coin into the air and said, “heads I live, tails I die.” A tad dramatic, I admit. But I had just returned from the hospital where my doctor had told me I had a 50/50 shot of surviving leukemia. I figured I’d see what luck had to say about it. A few […]
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Chapter 2: The slip-up – What a puddle of puke taught me about asking for help
For many, kindergarten conjures up fond memories of finger painting, playdough and sing-alongs. Not me. Instead, I’m haunted by two moments of spectacular mortification. Both involved bodily fluids — some mine, some not. The first incident happened during art class. To minimize the mess caused by a room full of five-year-olds armed with paintbrushes, Mrs. […]
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Chapter 3: The Great Burning – What a million paper monsters taught me about things going up in smoke
Fortunately, peeing my pants during art class in kindergarten didn’t squash my creative interests entirely. Unfortunately, my mom seemed intent on finishing the job a couple years later. For whatever reason, I got in the habit of creating paper monsters with my younger brother, Nicholas. For weeks, we invested countless hours sketching, colouring and cutting […]
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Chapter 4: The Crayon Candle – What the lamest science project ever taught me about putting in the extra effort
When it came to tasks like making paper monsters, my work ethic was unparalleled. I could crank out a dozen demons in an hour — even if the marker fumes left me woozy and wondering if the monsters were starting to talk to me. Unfortunately, that gung-ho effort didn’t always manifest at school. Consider my […]
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Chapter 5: The Christmas Concert – What starring as a tree taught me about finding my voice
My spectacularly underwhelming poetry recital wasn’t the only time I’ve appeared on stage. In fact, my theatrical CV stretches all the way back to my breakout performance as Ant #2 in our kindergarten concert, “The Ants Go Marching In.” A meaty role to be sure: my character’s arc involved stopping to tie my shoe as […]
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Chapter 6: The Super Something – What blood and glue fumes taught me about vulnerability
Even at a young age, you’d often find me hunched over a notebook writing short stories. So when our grade 3 teacher told us we had to submit a bit of fiction for the local fall fair, I was more than a little excited. Because it was time to introduce the world to one of […]
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Chapter 7: The Dare – What wearing a clay helmet taught me about bad habits
As the assessor from the school board quizzed me about my pastimes and interests, I knew well enough to omit a few details. Bleeding all over the place during the interview was bad enough. If he knew about half the moronic things I did with my siblings, there’s no way I’d have qualified for the […]
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Chapter 8: The Cannonball – What Meghan in the mud taught me about letting go
Rest assured, I wasn’t the only Martin bested by a pit of clay. When we were kids, the arrival of spring’s warmer weather motivated Saturday outings to a place we lovingly referred to as the Death Cliffs — a section of high muddy riverbanks near our home in southwestern Ontario (and not nearly as terrifying […]
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Chapter 9: The Fireball – What a flaming tennis ball taught me about nurturing imagination
Growing up, my family’s idea of a good time extended beyond dunking various body parts into clay. In fact, there was no shortage of creative shenanigans whenever we got together with our cousins. And we got away with a lot of it, as my mom and dad weren’t exactly helicopter parents. In part, that’s because […]
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Chapter 10: The Frying Pan – What towel-snapping taboos taught me about pushing your luck
Although our antics outside the home may suggest otherwise, our lives were far from lawless. Like most households, we were governed by a variety of rules — from strict bedtimes and cookie limits to the schedule of chores taped to the door of the kitchen pantry. The fart chair was another law of the land. […]
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Chapter 11: The Haybale – What a tough day in the barn taught me about having someone to watch your back
We never received an allowance for doing chores like drying the dishes. Which was probably fair, considering how much we owed Mom for all the dish towels we ruined in our snapping wars. And since my pitiful pitch at the board game company failed to attract the million-dollar contract I was hoping for, I needed […]
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Chapter 12: The Babysitting Gig – What banshee babies and buttered butts taught me about failing forward
Farm work was just one way Nicholas and I made a few bucks. When we were teenagers, our aunts and uncles would also hire us to babysit their little rugrats — a questionable decision considering how bad we were at keeping a watchful eye on our boss in the hayloft. And in many ways, stacking […]
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Chapter 13: The Sledgehammer – What a construction job taught me about using the right tools
To be honest, I thought using a butter knife to apply diaper cream was a clever solution. Unfortunately, not all our innovative workarounds proved as successful. A good example was during the summer of 1997, when Nicholas and I were part of a construction crew building a new pig barn near our home. The team […]
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Chapter 14: The Cement Truck – What a misguided act of heroism taught me about good intentions
It’s easy for me to point and laugh at Nicholas and his ludicrous screw-up on the job site. However, my own track record that summer included a few memorable mistakes as well. One stands out in particular. As I mentioned, cement trucks would roll in most afternoons to fill the moulds we had assembled that […]
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Chapter 15: The Valet – What a parking disaster taught me about overconfidence
Judging by how much Paul cussed me out after filling his toolbox with cement, I accepted the possibility that I might not be cut out for a career in construction. Thankfully, I had other opportunities in the area to earn an income. Located on the shores of Lake Huron, my hometown of Port Albert is […]
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Chapter 16: The Growl – What a wolf in the woods taught me about knowledge and responsibility
Most of the money I earned from buttering baby butts and filling toolboxes with concrete went into my savings account. But I did set some aside to fund the many camping adventures I took with Nicholas, Jonathan and Adam. Before hiking into the nearby woods for a night or two under the stars, we’d make […]
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Chapter 17: The Shortcut – What a hike through stinging nettles taught me about cutting corners
Fortunately, the threat of disembowelment from monsters in the woods did little to dampen my love of hiking and camping. Unfortunately, that meant Nicholas and I had many more opportunities to demonstrate questionable judgement in the Great Outdoors. Indeed, whoever said two heads are better than one clearly didn’t know me and my little brother. […]
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Chapter 18: The Backpack – What a giant duffel bag taught me about band-aid solutions
Despite our abysmal track record with hikes, Nicholas and I somehow convinced Mom to let us attempt a way more ambitious trek the following summer. Starting in Tobermory, our plan was to hike as much of Ontario’s 900-kilometre Bruce Trail as possible over the course of three weeks. We had a map and an unearned […]
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Chapter 19: The Big Freeze – What camping in a snowstorm taught me about knowing when to quit
We returned home from our disastrous hike along the Bruce Trail feeling sheepish and defeated. But sadly, it wouldn’t be the last time an outdoor adventure forced us to tap out early. Because eight months later I’d be lying on a woodpile, as cold-induced convulsions wracked my body and a large branch jabbed me in […]
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Chapter 20: The Snowy Gauntlet – What an idiotic bet taught me about redefining success
Just because Nicholas and I bailed on our March break camping trip doesn’t mean we hated the cold. Far from it. We were as Canadian as moose and maple syrup, built for blizzards and booger-freezing conditions. Exhibit A: the Snowy Gauntlet. Growing up in rural southwestern Ontario was great. But country living does require you […]
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Chapter 21: the Christmas Tree – What a holiday hunt taught me about overkill
After failing to complete the snowy gauntlet against our big brothers, Nicholas and I were itching for a wintery win in the Martin household. Fetching the family Christmas tree the following year offered the perfect opportunity to show how capable we were — and to give Mom a much-needed break. The holiday season wasn’t exactly […]
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Chapter 22: The BB Gun – What my dad getting shot in the eye taught me about owning up to our mistakes
Sure, Nicholas and I filled the living room with a giant, muddy tree. But that pales in comparison to the trouble our dad and his brother Ted caused over the holidays when they were kids. Now, I don’t know what Christmas in the 1950s was like exactly. I’m assuming it involved things like fighting off […]
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Chapter 23: The Toboggan Hill – What sledding battles taught me about approaching problems from different angles
Winters in Port Albert involved more than absurd Christmas trees and half-naked wrestling matches in the snow. They also ushered in one of my favourite times of year: toboggan season. On one occasion, I remember trudging up a hill, my cheap plastic sled dragging behind me. My four-year-old cousin Ria — yes, the same […]
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Chapter 24: The Train – What a trip to the big city taught me about self-sabotage
As the years ticked by, my thirst for adventure grew — and with it the desire to see more of the great wide world. So when my oldest brother, Dan, invited me and Nicholas to spend our March break in Ottawa where he was attending university, I jumped at the opportunity. For two country bumpkins […]
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Chapter 25: The Mushy Cauliflower – What dinner in France taught me about the power of words
If my trip to Ottawa whetted my appetite for travel, my class trip to France in high school made me ravenous for it. The European excursion was a big deal for a few reasons — the most important being I was going to be one of only two boys in the group with fourteen […]