During the day, my initial stay at Princess Margaret Hospital was full of welcome distractions. Between procedures, blood work, visitors and flirting with the nurses, I didn’t have much time to brood on the fact that I was a 27-year-old patient with an aggressive form of leukemia.
But at night? That was a different story. After my friends and family returned home, I was left alone with my thoughts. Very quickly, the anxiety would creep in, and my mind would spiral to some dark places. I knew I had to do something to stay positive and keep myself motivated.
So one night, I pulled out the journal my friend Rachael had given me. At the top of a new page, I wrote the words “Reasons to Fight.” I then proceeded to write anything and everything that came to mind about what made life so awesome and so worth fighting for. The idea was to create something to keep me energized when times got tough — like psychological helium, lifting me up when I started feeling low.
And before I knew it, I had a list that was 118 items long.
Reviewing my hastily scrawled inventory, a number of things stood out. First, I was surprised how much food made the cut. The fact that “bagels with cream cheese” preceded “Mom” should tell you something about how sick of hospital food I was when I made the list.
Food bias aside, the people in my life certainly made a strong appearance — my parents, brothers, sisters, friends, cousins, aunts, uncles.
But the list also burst at the seams with life’s simple pleasures and experiential riches. Lying on what could very well have been my deathbed, what mattered most to me were things like …
On top of keeping me motivated, my Reasons to Fight exercise showed me how valuable gratitude can be. That’s not surprising. A slew of research on the topic points to its many benefits.
In one study, a group was asked to write about the things they were grateful for from the week that had just passed. Meanwhile, another group wrote about the annoying and negative things that happened. After ten weeks, the gratitude group reported feeling more optimistic and better about their lives than the second group.
That same research also found that the grateful group reported feeling healthier, had fewer visits to the doctor and exercised more frequently. Meanwhile, a 2011 study showed that writing in a gratitude journal before going to bed led to better and longer sleeps.
Gratitude has also been shown to help create healthy relationships. One study confirmed that people who express appreciation for their partner had a more positive view of the other person. It also made it easier for those couples to talk about problems they might be having. And another study revealed that showing gratitude to new people you meet increases your odds of establishing positive, ongoing relationships with them.
Finally, researchers from the University of Pennsylvania looked at how gratitude can help managers boost productivity. The study divided the school’s fundraising team into two categories: one that got a little pep talk from their boss telling them how grateful she was for their work, and one that didn’t. The results were impressive, with the group that got the message of gratitude making fifty per cent more fundraising calls the following week than the other employees.
The idea that gratitude yields positive results may be nothing new to you. But if the benefits of gratitude are so clear and well established, why can it be so difficult to practise it?
Why does it seem to take a health crisis or period of hardship before we appreciate the awesome things in our lives? And how do we sustain that appreciation after we’ve settled back into our regular routines? In other words, what can we do to cultivate gratitude in our daily lives?
There are loads of ways to foster an attitude of gratitude, and everybody’s different. What works for one person might not work for someone else, so it’s important to find tactics that fit you and your lifestyle.
That might mean starting a gratitude journal or a list like I did. If you’re religious, you might find prayer is a helpful way to count your blessings. Some people use meditation to help them focus on the things they’re grateful for. Or you could get into the habit of doing a mental inventory of the positive things from your day while you brush your teeth.
Whatever approach you choose, just remember that gratitude is like any habit: practice makes perfect. Getting it to stick takes effort and discipline. It might be hard in the beginning — and you’ll have days when you suck at it — but stay with it, and before long you’ll be reaping the many benefits of appreciating the little things.
It certainly benefited me during my cancer journey, helping me to appreciate all the amazing things in my life and embrace the everyday awesome — whether it’s sunrises (#78 on my list), sandwiches (#99) or even a good fart (#58).
Small deeds, big impact
My Reasons to Fight list also taught me to respect the power of small. A doctor’s reassuring hand on my shoulder did wonders for my nerves. A friend stopping by to share ridiculous stories about his dating life sparked much-needed laughter, fuelling me for the week ahead. And a few words of encouragement from a stranger in the waiting room made me feel ten feet tall.
Little deeds go a long way. So don’t underestimate them. Offer a friendly hello to the cashier. Call a family member just because. Buy an extra bagel with cream cheese for your co-worker. Because small actions can have a big impact.
Next: Chapter 34 — The birthday: What a surprise celebration in the hospital taught me about self-care
