Module 16. Creating lasting change: Lessons learned from life's awesome and absurd moments

Rather than seeing a crisis as a detour, look at it like a fork in the road — as an opportunity to let go of the things that don’t work and embark on a better way forward.

Watch this

Consider this

Being equipped to overcome obstacles in your own life is one thing. But what about when it’s a loved one facing a major life challenge? How can you help? As you wrap up this webinar series, consider how you can use your newfound obstacle-busing expertise to help others.

You’ll reap plenty of wellness benefits as well. In 2005, the International Journal of Behavioral Medicine published a comprehensive review of 50+ studies to explore how helping others can positively impact mental and physical health.

The review concludes that people who engage in emotionally kind and compassionate behaviours — such as volunteering, caregiving and other forms of prosocial activity — often experience greater happiness, improved health outcomes and increased longevity.

Looking for ways to help others? Here are a few ideas to get the creative juices flowing.

Pitch in.

There are many ways you can pitch in when someone is going through a challenging or busy time. Whether it’s mowing their lawn, dropping off some soup, volunteering at their launch party or helping them assemble their wedding invitations, a little help can go a long way.

Be there.

“I don’t know what to say.” “I feel so helpless.” “I wish there was something I could do.” We’ve all been there. That awkward moment when you’re at a loss for words and feeling completely useless. But sometimes the thing people need most is a listening ear and a shoulder to lean on. You don’t have to come equipped with answers, pearls of wisdom or a magic bullet to solve the problem. Just be there.

I heard a story about a friend of mine who worked as a hospital chaplain. One patient lashed out at her, questioning why she was even there. After all, there was nothing she could do to fix the patient’s terminal illness. Her response? “I’m not here to get you out of the hell you’re in right now. I’m here to keep you company while you’re going through it.”

Give them space.

On the flip side, it’s easy to swing too far the other way — to smother a person in well-meaning attempts to help them. Like everything in life, it’s all about balance. When I was in the hospital, I had to learn to say no to people who wanted to visit. Not because I didn’t want to see them, but because otherwise I’d never have any time for myself. Be there for them, but respect the fact that they might want some alone time.

Connect them with the right people.

You might not be able to directly help, but do you know somebody who could? Leverage your connections. It was my friend’s mom who connected me with the doctors at Princess Margaret Hospital. And my brother who recommended a nutritionist friend to help me with my post-transplant diet. Whether you’re helping your friend’s struggling start-up business by introducing him to your industry contacts or telling a co-worker about a great physiotherapist who worked wonders on your shoulder, rack your brain for helpful people you know.

Stay positive.

People going through tough times are wrestling with all sorts of doubt, uncertainty and fear. Help them through that by being a positive influence. During my first month-long stay at Princess Margaret, I hit a wall and was feeling pretty low. Early one morning, before breakfast had even arrived, I got a knock at my door and a co-worker of mine poked his head in the room. At first I was annoyed at the early morning and unscheduled pop-in. I was still in my undies after all.

But then we got chatting about his dad, who was also in the hospital undergoing a similar treatment as me. The nonchalant and positive way he talked about his dad’s procedures, and the confidence he had that everything was going to be all right, filled me with renewed hope and optimism about my own chances. It ended up being just the wake-up call I needed.

Enthusiasm and positive energy are contagious and can help keep your loved one from getting too low. That doesn’t mean being the “everything is sunshine and unicorns” person that people want to slap. It just means offering encouragement instead of discouragement, optimism instead of pessimism and constructive feedback instead of harsh criticism.

Get creative.

While I was in hospital for the bone marrow transplant, my sister Becky spearheaded the creation of a “Book of Encouragement.” She went around to my aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, grandma and parents and invited each of them to create a page for the book, wishing me well on my recovery and health journey.

It gave my spirits a much-needed boost. I laughed myself silly (a dangerous thing to do when dealing with the menace of ferocious diarrhoea) reading the many hilarious and creative entries and felt my resolve strengthen as I read the many inspirational and motivational notes.

So if you’re looking for ways to help someone overcome an obstacle, get creative. Send a fun e-card. Film a video of friends giving encouraging shout-outs. Bake a good-luck cake. Plaster their bedroom with motivational quotes. Host a pasta dinner fundraiser.

Distract them.

Everybody needs to come up for air once in a while. It might seem counterintuitive, but taking a buddy out for a coffee when they’re completely buried with work may be the best thing for them to reduce the stress of the situation. Just remember: It’s a fine line between distraction and disruption, so tread carefully.

Rally around a cause.

When someone you care about is going through a tough time — especially when it’s health-related — the feeling of helplessness can be overwhelming. After I was diagnosed, I told Dr. Lipton that my friends were eager to help and asked if he had any suggestions. “Tell them to donate blood,” he said.

Rallying around a cause for your loved one is a great way to make important contributions. It could be spearheading a blood drive or signing up for a charity fun run in honour of your friend with cancer. It could be writing your MP or raising awareness through the media about the mental illness your dad is dealing with. It could be volunteering at a women’s shelter to show your support for a co-worker getting out of an abusive relationship.

Of course, you don’t have to know someone to help them overcome obstacles. The world is full of challenges and people who could use a helping hand. Whether you’re volunteering with a community organization, donating to disaster relief overseas or simply offering your seat to the pregnant woman on the bus, there are always ways to help.

Reflection questions

What’s one change you’ve made in your life that you’re proud of? What helped you make it stick?
When you think about a change you want to make, what excites you most about what could be different in your life?
What obstacles have gotten in the way of change for you in the past — and what did you learn from those experiences?
What habits or routines in your life are supporting your growth? Which ones might be holding you back?
How do you stay motivated when progress feels slow or difficult? What reminders help you keep going?
What small, consistent action could you take that would move you closer to a meaningful goal?
How do you typically handle setbacks during change? How can you reframe them as part of the growth process instead of failure?
What support systems or tools do you need in place to make lasting change feel more achievable?
How have difficult experiences in your life shaped you in positive or unexpected ways? What strengths have come out of those challenges?
If you made the change you’re thinking about right now, how might your life be different a year from today?