Lessons learned from trying to catch a train

It’s easy to blame others when things go wrong. It’s harder to take an honest look inside to see how your own actions have contributed to the problem.

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We can all be our own worst enemy at times. But what’s behind that? In one study, researchers explored the predictors of those self-sabotaging behaviours among 801 university students. They found that procrastination, test anxiety and low self-esteem were significant contributors.

Interestingly, higher levels of self-compassion were associated with lower self-sabotaging tendencies — yet another good reason to treat ourselves with a bit of kindness.

Reflection questions

1. What does taking responsibility for a problem mean to you, and how has that looked in your own life?
   
2. Can you think of a time when blaming someone else made a situation worse rather than better? What happened?
   
3. What emotions come up when you’re held accountable or asked to own a mistake? Why do you think that is?
   
4. Why do you think people tend to avoid taking responsibility, and what are some common ways we shift blame?
   
5. How do you differentiate between taking ownership of a problem and taking on more than your fair share of responsibility?
   
6. When has someone else taken responsibility in a way that impressed or inspired you? What did that teach you?
   
7. What impact does a culture of blame have in families, workplaces or communities?
   
8. What are some strategies you’ve used — or could use — to shift from blame to responsibility in tough situations?
   
9. How does language play a role in blaming versus taking responsibility? What words or phrases reinforce a blame mindset?
   
10. What’s one small step you could take this week to practise more ownership in your personal or professional life?

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Turn ideas into action with these suggested activities from our Resilience Toolbox.

More modules

Module 1. Making your own luck: Lessons learned from a coin flip

Module 2. Improving adaptability: Lessons learned from an absurd Christmas tree

Module 3. Embracing teamwork: Lessons learned from a rogue haybale

Module 4. Leveraging tools: Lessons learned from a poorly chosen sledgehammer

Module 5. Learning humility: Lessons learned from a very brief career as a valet

Module 6. Failing forward: Lessons learned from banshee babies and buttered butts

Module 7. Avoiding shortcuts: Lessons learned from a giant backpack

Module 8. Redefining success: Lessons learned from an idiotic bet

Module 9. Letting go: Lessons learned from a gooey pit of clay

Module 10. Taking responsibility: Lessons learned from trying to catch a train

Module 11. Getting creative: Lessons learned from the toboggan hill

Module 12. Fuelling motivation: Lessons learned from sleeping in a barn

Module 13. Handing over control: Lessons learned from riding in a shopping cart

Module 14. Practising gratitude: Lessons learned from a very special list

Module 15. Prioritizing self-care: Lessons learned from a surprise birthday celebration in the hospital

Module 16. Creating lasting change: Lessons learned from life’s awesome and absurd moments